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MentorCONNECT - Some Helpful Ideas for New Mentoring Teams
Certain milestones must be eventually tackled and achieved on the way to recovery success. While by no means a comprehensive list, the following ‘Milestone Exercises’, adapted from Shannon’s new book, Letters to a Young Anorexic, may be helpful in providing structure and goal-setting for a new mentoring team. Keep in mind that the order of milestones, and the length of time between each, may vary for each mentoring team.
So, especially for first-timers to the process, but for experienced participants as well, please feel welcome to incorporate these ideas when building your own mentoring team! (And if you have additional ideas that you find work well in your team, we would love to about them.)
 LIST of IDEAS
1. Getting Acquainted (it may also be helpful to read ‘A Mentoring Tale’ and Rainer Maria Rilke’s )
Mentor: Gather mentee’s basic personal details (name, age, hometown, current support system, current treatment team.) (Also be sure to carefully review Guidelines-Just for Mentors)
Mentee: Invite mentor to share personal history to establish a good ‘fit’ for mentoring (discussions could include mentor’s personal story, level of time commitment willing/able to make, type of interaction preferred (email/phone/mail/in person/etc) (Also be sure to carefully review Guidelines-Just for Mentees)
Both: Set clear guidelines so there is a trust-basis for, and comfort in, initiating and regularly replying to all communications (this can be as detailed as needed, but may also be as simple as agreeing to touch base each Monday morning, regardless of the length of time between communications)
2. Establishing the ‘HOW’ of Recovery – Honesty, Openness, Willingness
Mentor: Dialogue with mentee about where they are with exhibiting the necessary Honesty, Openness and Willingness to do whatever it takes to recover
- Full HOW – wants recovery wholeheartedly – recovery is the number one priority
- Partial HOW – work begins here to identify roadblocks to exhibiting ‘full’ HOW
- No HOW – candidate is not ready for mentoring (should be a rare occurrence with MENTORConnect)
Mentee: Write out for yourself and your mentor a statement indicating your current level of HOW to do whatever it takes to recover
Both: Affirm mentee’s current level of HOW and determine whether mentoring is a good fit at the present time, and if not, what might raise willingness to an adequate level to begin (see #3 before choosing to exit a new mentoring relationship)
3. Tackling Roadblocks
Mentee: Create a list of all the reasons why you are afraid/unwilling to relinquish your dependence on your eating disorder. What do you gain from continuing your reliance on the behaviors? What do you give up if you give up the eating disorder?
Mentor: Explore with mentee other ways to meet the needs the eating disorder is currently fulfilling. Identify mentee’s willingness to experiment with one or two of these alternate coping skills if accompanied by regular support from mentor (can determine how to proceed from #2 if HOW is low initially)
Both: Create a list of ‘alternate coping skills’ from mentee’s existing skill set, as well as skills not listed that mentor can suggest from personal experience. Add to this list frequently
4. Creating a ‘Statement of Intent to Recover’
Mentee: Once HOW is of sufficient strength, work with mentor to draw up a ‘Statement of Intent to Recover’ – can be any length, and include any wording that is motivational in declaring a right and intention to one day live free from the influence of the eating disorder
Mentor: Review ‘Statement of Intent’ with mentee. If mentee experiences difficulty with drafting the ‘Statement of Intent’, it might be helpful to provide an outline of a first draft that mentee can edit and refine
Both: Sign and date the bottom of the ‘Statement of Intent’
5. Identifying a ‘Key to Life’
Mentor: Brainstorm with mentee to identify what might be called a ‘Key to Life’ – something worth recovering for that matters more to the mentee than maintaining or deepening dependence on the eating disorder
Mentee: Make a list of all the ideas that you come up with on your own and with your mentor that would make recovery worth the work involved
Both: From the brainstorming list, create a master list where each item is prioritized in its order of importance to mentee underneath Item #1 – ‘Achieving Full Recovery’
6. Experiencing The ‘Five Stage Grief Process’
Mentor: Work with mentee to cultivate awareness of the choice that must be made between maintaining life with the eating disorder and the newly identified ‘Key to Life’. It may be helpful here to dialogue with mentee about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ Five Stage Grief Process – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
Mentee: Identify with your mentor’s assistance which stage of grief you are currently in (may change from day to day)
Both: Brainstorm ways to experience and move through each stage of the grief process as it arises. It may be helpful for mentor to reflect on how this process occurred during own recovery and share ideas with mentee
7. Daily Troubleshooting
Mentee: Contact mentor regularly to share progress/trouble spots (according to frequency guidelines established in #I, or as often as needed if frequency is open)
Mentor: Provide suggestions from personal recovery experience that proved helpful in overcoming roadblocks
Both: Topics may, and probably will, be diverse, seeking to troubleshoot not just the behaviors but underlying triggers that lead to behaviors. As long as both team members are willing, and issues do not fall outside mentor’s area of expertise, this may prove one of the most fruitful areas of the mentoring relationship!
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