Highlights for December 04-January 05 include:
12/31 – The Church of Burleson New Year’s Eve Celebration, 8:30pm – Burleson, TX
1/9 – SunCreek UMC - Allen, TX
1/10-13 – Perkins School of Youth Ministry (PSYM) Conference – Dallas, TX
1/14 – St. Timothy’s Episcopal Church – Lake Jackson, TX
11/16 – Dean’s Credit Clothing, 8-11pm w/Sugar Bayou – Houston, TX
11/23 – Tennison Memorial UMC (pending) – Mt. Pleasant, TX
11/27-28 – ACSI Gulf States Convention – Galveston, TX
2/4-6 – Midwinter Youth Camp – Kerrville, TX

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt called to serve – a person, a cause – and you felt totally inadequate to the task? You knew you were the one called to go, because you were the one standing there when the need for help became apparent. But you also knew you had none of the skills or life experience necessary to provide the much-needed help.

So you thought, ‘I know – I’ll go get a book on this subject! I can learn what I need to help (this other person, organization, charitable cause) and then I can help with confidence!’ And so you go to the bookstore and you buy a book, and you begin to read…

….only to discover, halfway through the first paragraph, that this new reading material you’ve picked up seems to apply to YOU! All of a sudden you feel like the unwitting victim of a Divine bait-and-switch…yes, He called you to help another, but it would seem that ‘those who are asked to teach first must learn.’ And you have been unwittingly plunged smack dab in the middle of an un-asked for, unexpected, and intense self-discovery & learning session!

The other day I went to the bookstore on just such a mission – to pick up a book on building healthy marital relationships. Many of you reading this know that in addition to concerts and speaking events, I also coach and mentor youth one-on-one, and this is a beautiful, very rewarding way to spend my days. However, as many of you who have heard me sing and speak also know, I remain stubbornly single, and as such am relatively untutored in the daily ways of the married couples whose youth I share so much time with – aka – THE PARENTS.

So…back to the book (“Receiving Love” by Drs Hendrix & Hunt). So I’m reading this book, searching for deeper insight into the dynamics of marriage as it relates to family relationships, and all of a sudden I get to this stunning section on the 4 stages of relationships. According to the authors (who btw have been married for over 20 years), there are 4 stages of relationship life – 1) Attraction, 2) Romance, 3) The Power Struggle, and 4) Mature Love.

And not surprisingly, stages 1 & 2 are very pleasant – these are the stages in which all the world seems vibrant and alive and perpetual summer exists in our hearts. But it isn’t until stage 3 – The Power Struggle – where REAL love begins. See, the book says that the way we love someone else says much more about US than it does about the other person – it says that we tend to initially love (and later hate) most easily and best in others that which we either disown or recognize most clearly in ourselves. In other words, during stages 1 & 2, we aren’t really ‘in love’ with the other person at all – we are in FANTASY about OURSELVES! We are in wishful thinking of who we are now and who we could become in the future. We are in a search for self-completion. And we are in DENIAL of what TRUE LOVE really has to offer – the FREEDOM to take the rose colored glasses OFF and still be able to see consistently the beauty & rare grace in another human being who is different than ourselves!

As I read, I started thinking about all this with a whole new level of clarity dawning in my mind – because even in our relationship with God, can’t you see how this could play out? We are ‘attracted’ to the new and different – our way of living hasn’t been working so well for us, and we’re ready for a change. And when we choose to enter into relationship with God, we even get a manual – ‘The Bible’ – that clearly outlines expectations and instructions for success. So then the ‘romance’ sets in – this is GREAT! We are ‘in love’! Our life is changing – for once for the better – and the doors of possibility fling open in our faces, exposing us to the cool Spring air and the warm Summer sun that follows.

And all is well - for awhile - until one day it hits. One (or several) of our long-accustomed ways of being or doing engages in hand-to-hand combat with the manual’s clear instructions or our Lover’s own ways of being or doing. Our newfound freedom and happiness is threatened by what is suddenly unacceptable in the other…so we are confronted with a ‘test’ of our ‘love’ - what will we choose? Stay? Or Go?

See, most of us come to relationships with two concepts – life together is better than life apart, and love conquers all. But there is no ‘conquering’ in love relationships on any level – that is the world’s way, and we already know the world’s way does not work. We cannot conquer (or convert) EACH OTHER in love and expect our love to survive – and thus The Power Struggle is not about learning to stamp out or change that which is annoying or irritating or seemingly ‘unacceptable’ in the OTHER PERSON, but about learning to stamp out or change that in US which is in conflict with the EXPERIENCE of love. The Power Struggle is about learning to love another – and ourselves - AS IS – even (or especially) if that ‘other’ is God Himself!

IF we survive The Power Struggle stage, we are rewarded with stage 4 and the final gift of Mature Love. THIS love is the ‘true love’ about which we hear so much and still for the most part know so little…it is a secure and trusting love seen unafraid through naked and honest eyes, a love that is at once openly powerful and freely submissive, a love that seeks God- and self-love FIRST and understands that the best love we can then offer to another is simply an accurate reflection of the level of unconditional love already received and ingested within.

Most of you know by now that the outreach work I do through Key To Life and Lift Me Up Music can almost be summed up in one sentence – ‘do unto others as you do unto you.’ My work is not about stripping self out of the equation, but about dealing Self back IN as an essential, valued and precious piece of the whole picture of Love! Because what I have learned over the years in this work is that most of us long to give – but we can only give to others what we have already been willing to receive within. Most of us long to love – but we can only give our love to God & others when we also allow Him (& them) to give love to us. Most of us long to serve – but we can only serve in this world to the level we have first allowed ourselves to be served by the One who created us all. We can either ‘know’ the Golden Rule or we can LIVE it – and my own life is proof that living it is by far the better road.

And that is my prayer for all of us as a clean new year dawns…that we would strive to give not just to others but to OURSELVES the gift of living the life of our deepest dreams.

With peace & love, & many New Year’s blessings,

Shannon