QUESTION: I am a 50 year old woman, ex bulimic so far. I have ed now, restricting always, but not anorexic yet. If I don't restrict I gain weight I'm not skin. I like your site and I need help to recover. Thanks a lot.

ANSWER: The most important part of recovery is what you touch on in your email – an acknowledgement that:

a) you want recovery

and

b) you need help to do so

This is the HOW of recovery – Honesty, Openness, and Willingness.

Admitting that you want to recover, and that you need help, is how every successful recovery process starts. So, you are off to a good start!

Now, in terms of what type and level of eating disorder you are currently experiencing, and what specific type(s) of help you need, I cannot really comment with confidence without having more information on your health condition. However, I know who can. It is important to get a thorough medical evaluation by a doctor familiar with eating disorders, and sympathetic to their effects, so that you can create a plan of action. A plan of action might include any or all of the following - a doctor, a psychiatrist for any mental issues that require medication, a psychologist or therapist to discuss environmental triggers and past unresolved issues that contribute to use of eating disordered behavior patterns to manage stress, and a dietician/nutritionist to help you meet your nutrient and hydration requirements. You may also require other professional assistance – but, again, your core treatment team will be the one(s) to help you determine that.

This is what a treatment team is for – to come alongside you and help you outsmart the eating disorder – to teach you how to best it at its own game. But the treatment team works for YOU – they cannot do the hard work of HOW for you – you alone are responsible for cultivating the Honesty, Openness and Willingness to do what it takes, for as long as it takes, to restore a quality of life that doesn’t resort to cookie cutter looks and a number on the scale to produce self-worth.

This is where what I call a ‘key to life’ is essential. Into every life tough choices come. At some point, you will be called upon to acknowledge that you cannot have BOTH your eating disorder and the rest of your life too. You will be asked – you will ask yourself – to choose between the two. You must choose between the two, and you will have only yourself to answer to if the choice you make cannot deliver on its promises. My key to life, initially, was music, as the eating disorder left me unable to do the one thing I loved more than anything else. Getting my music back became my battle cry – the reason I was determined to conquer my eating disorder once and for all. Everyone has something different – and some people have more than one key to life. But we all have at least one.

So find yours, do the work to figure out what it is, and then use it as your battle cry to develop ways other than the eating disorder to manage what feels unmanageable in your life. Life is hard for everyone – we all need ways to cope. So now it is just about finding ways that help, rather than harm, you. Part of what you suffer from is a genetic mental illness that kills more women each year than any other disease. And part of what you suffer from is a buy-in to the eating disorder’s ability to separate you from what makes you feel powerless in your own life. You must work to recover your sense of power and control over shaping your own destiny – in a way that will not leave you disabled or dead. There ARE other ways. I have found them – you can too.

I would recommend you watch a movie called ‘A Beautiful Mind’, starring Russell Crowe. Watch how John Nash, played by Crowe, worked with himself to overcome his schizophrenia and restore quality of life for himself and his family. This is how I healed. I firmly believe that, if I could do it – if I could outsmart my eating disorder – then you can too. If you want it as badly as I wanted it, you too can have a recovered, wonderful life. I wish you the best. Write again if you need to.

Shannon

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