QUESTION: I don't have bulimia. I don't fit the criteria. I do fit the criteria for binge eating though. It is so frustrating when I am trying to explain this to a GI physician. My episodes have resulted in various hospitalizations that did not address my issue. I believe it's possibly because of my lack of adequate insurance. I feel both guilty and embarrassed about my situation and possibly because of lack of direction the situation has become more chronic. If you can hear me, I have 3 almost grown children two of them daughters and they have all gone through traumatic experiences. I want to help them in the best way but how can I when I am not fully well myself. The guilt becomes unbearable at times and uncontrollable. Please help me to become the mother I have ALWAYS wanted to be.

ANSWER: I DO hear you. And, for what it is worth, you are not at fault for not being able to help your daughters through their difficult experiences when you have not yet learned how to help yourself. This seems almost cosmically unfair, doesn’t it – that we get better instructions for operating a coffee maker than for raising children – and the manual is far more accurate!

Your first order of business is to determine why you continue to get diagnosed. I have no way of knowing what your exact diagnosis may be, but I do believe that when our intuition speaks loudly to us that something is not right, and gives a suggestion for what it might be, that we owe it to ourselves to listen. If you fit the criteria for binge-eating disorder, possibly you could keep a journal of your episodes, along with the thoughts and feelings you are having before, during and after an episode, and print off a copy of the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for BED, and seek a new physician who can get you the treatment you need.

My best friend has been struggling with a kidney infection for three years now. She has been misdiagnosed so many times we have lost count of all the setbacks it has caused. But she continued to persevere, and last month she finally located a physician who had the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the mind to help her locate the treatment she needs. You too must continue to persevere. You MUST help yourself FIRST. If your daughters are struggling, then the best course of action is to locate someone who is qualified to help them. Whether it is you personally who are helping them through their struggles, or you are simply the agent through which they obtain help from someone else, still you are doing your duty as a parent by getting them help. So take the pressure off of yourself to help them personally, and focus on finding help for them while getting help yourself.

This is your route, from where you stand now, to becoming the mother you have always wanted to be. My heart goes out to you. If we can support you further, please do not hesitate to write again!

Warmly, and with HOPE,

Shannon

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