Finding Independence in the Company We Keep

What does it take to achieve recovery from the things that keep us down?

Have you ever stepped out of your door in the morning only to be confronted by a flat tire on your car? All plans come to a grinding halt for the simple lack of air in your tires.

That is what recovery is like when we deflate ourselves with negative self-talk. We can literally talk ourselves OUT of our own recovery through our inability to be a friend to ourselves when we need a friend the most. This is both damaging and unnecessary, but it is the most common mistake we make and the area that is most overlooked when we are working on our recovery goals.

Next time you are tempted to say something to yourself about your lack of intelligence, discipline, stamina, perseverance, potential for success, looks, or any other area where you are already bruised and worn down, make a different choice. Ask yourself if you would talk to your worst enemy that way. Then ask yourself why you are so invested in tearing yourself down when it feels terrible and produces terrible results. And when you hear the answers, use the information to make changes that will better support you in your recovery goals.

I will tell you how I learned to do this for myself. It is a simple process that, as all simple processes are, is much harder to do than it sounds.

Step One – Notice the thoughts you are having. Notice also the percentage of your thoughts that you would characterize as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’.

Step Two – Notice how your own thoughts make you feel. Notice the choices you make immediately after you think a thought.

Step Three – Decide what you want to do differently. Do you want to think more positively? Do you want to achieve a certain goal today, this week, this year or in your lifetime?

Step Four – Begin to monitor your thoughts carefully. When you think or speak something to yourself that you already know will bring you down or stop your progress, pivot that thought even while you’re in the midst of thinking it. Turn it around – if you hear yourself say, ‘I am so stupid for having done that’, immediately stop the thought in its tracks and tell yourself instead, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that but I am proud of myself for realizing what I want to do differently.’

Step Five – Be careful not to berate yourself for HAVING the negative thoughts you are now noticing. Focus on positive change – see every thought as an opportunity, a reminder to yourself of your new intention to build yourself up to success.

Step Six – Identify several affirmations you can speak out loud and silently to yourself throughout the day that make you feel fantastic. If this is hard (and it probably will be at first) then imagine listening to someone else, maybe a trusted counselor or friend, encourage you when you’re feeling down. What would feel good to hear when you are down about life, yourself, and your recovery? What would give you that little extra boost of energy that you need to pick yourself back up and keep on trying?

Step Seven – Commit to building up new positive self-talk muscles over time. You are in training – unlearning all the bad habits you have formed and learning new positive behaviors and thought patterns to replace what isn’t serving you any longer. It will take time. LOTS of time. But it is possible to learn a new way of thinking and living, and once you have invested enough time you will begin building positive momentum which will carry you forward. At that point every effort you make will be multiplied exponentially by the balance of effort you have made over time. One day you will wake up like I did this morning, spontaneously saying to yourself, ‘It’s a new day! I can be anything, do anything, have anything I want!’ (and, just between you and me, cultivating that attitude has been worth every bit of effort I have put into this process in my own recovery life.)

Step Eight - Go for it!

much love,

Shannon

If you would like to submit a question or idea for a topic you would like to see addressed in a future edition, please send it to Shannon c/o Good News HERE