QUESTION: I wanted to send you message because I have ED-NOS and I want to recover, but as you know it is hard. Because I'm not underweight I can't get much help outside of therapy and that makes it hard, because I only feel the need recover rarely (like now). I was wondering if you had any advice for me? Because I know I can do it, but it will be a battle everyday.

What I'm doing right now (besides trying to eat healthily) is work on becoming better at my hobbies (writing, drawing, and singing too), learn to read music and play at least 1 of my 3 instruments (I have a violin, guitar, and keyboard and can't play any haha), study Wicca and my spirituality, and (HOPEFULLY) I'm starting college (1 course) in January. My aim is to focus on feeling better by improving myself and my talents and get some new ones too.

Sorry if I'm rambling, but I wanted you opinion in that and any other ideas you have. I should also mention my family isn't the most supportive and sometimes triggers me, so I've been isolating a lot.

ANSWER: You are more than welcome. It sounds like you have a very comprehensive plan of attack, so to speak, to channel the energy you have spent on your eating disorder into other, more productive and satisfying activities. And, by the way, my own recovery work was significantly enhanced when I had achieved enough health physically to start writing songs again. I called it ‘musical journaling’. In the years when I still didn’t have the confidence or communication skills to really express verbally yet what was bothering me, I could at least write a song and share it in that way. I wrote a LOT of songs while I was recovering!

You are not rambling. On the contrary, you sound very clear and focused. To me, your email reads like you have begun an essential step in the recovery process – turning all that misdirected potential (your high intelligence, discipline, perseverance, social conscience and desire to make a difference) around and pointing it squarely at your eating disorder. I always say that anyone who has the internal drive to support the discipline needed for an eating disorder is also the person who has everything needed to overcome it!

Knowing it will be a battle every day takes the impatience and artificially high expectations out of the recovery process. We live in a culture of absolute, instant gratification. If I start a project today, I want to finish it tomorrow. If I watch a film or TV show, I want to know the outcome in the next hour. That approach isn’t going to work for recovery. In order to stay the course, we have to remember that recovery is more along the lines of delayed gratification. We work hard, each day – every day a new little twist in our own plot is revealed, and we add that new piece of evidence to the pile and adjust our efforts accordingly. In time, the whole picture will be revealed. In time, we will spend less and less energy and effort on our eating disorder as we recover the rest of our life – the parts that make life worth living for (these are the parts I call your ‘key to life’ by the way – the one thing or things that matter MORE to you than your eating disorder!)

It is also VERY important to surround yourself by supportive, encouraging, understanding people during your most intense recovery work. So while I support your goal to abstain from significant contact with people who cannot (for whatever reason) offer you support, also remember that isolation is where an eating disorder thrives the most. You simply MUST find an alternative to your family because you need support to heal. Relationships Replace Eating Disorders. Your creative pursuits will help you to create a new, healthier relationship with yourself – this is essential. But you also need to see that mirrored in the relationships you are building with friends and your support team. We grow out of our eating disorder and INTO community with ourselves, others and the world around us.

So add that to your ‘to do’ list of activities – if you are interested in your spirituality, who can you think of who might share your interests? Explore it together. If you like to play music or work on creative writing projects, is there a group you can join, a writers’ or songwriters’ circle? When you get to college, what organizations can you join where you can give back and engage in the cycle of giving and receiving that is so essential to sustained recovery? And also make sure to allow yourself access to the company of others who have struggled with an eating disorder and thus can remind you that you, too, can overcome it.

Thank you for your courage – you CAN do this. I believe, from what I read in your letter, that you are already well on your way. Just put your head down and KEEP GOING.

Warmly, and with HOPE,

Shannon

Do you have a related question you would like to submit for future editions of Good News?

Would you like to send a message of encouragement and support to the person who asked this question? (NOTE: all messages of support will be received and published anonymously in future editions of Good News)

If you would like to submit a question or send a message of support please send it to Shannon c/o Good News HERE