QUESTION: I don't know what to do. I've been getting better at not throwing up...but it has been getting harder to fight lately. I've been under a lot of stress and it’s not mixing well with temptations. I think that is my main trigger right now I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO....:(

ANSWER: It sounds from your letter like you know what is triggering you – stress (and probably anxiety resulting from that stress). The first thing to do is determine whether the stress you are under is avoidable and thus manageable through changes you can take action to make. If it is not avoidable, such as the stress of undergoing recovery, then you need a plan of action to build your stress-tolerance muscles to the point where you can tolerate increased amounts of stress without predictable response patterns of returning to the bulimia for help.

So first, is your stress avoidable, or is there a way you can at least reduce your stress-burden by modifying your schedule or activities somewhat? Figure out where, if any, you can cut corners to create a little breathing room for yourself.

Next, brainstorm a list of positive coping mechanisms you have in your toolkit (hint: bulimia is not allowed on the list).

Next, recognize for yourself that recovery is a process, and that the only way you will keep your confidence high is to practice affirmations to yourself that you CAN achieve lasting release from bulimia. This involves creating what I call a Recovery Timeline – it can be mental or you can (recommended) write it down on paper, and as you do so, write down when you were able to achieve cessation of bulimic behaviors, and for how long. Write down as well as much as you can remember about what was going on in your life before, during and after these recovery periods. Then, when you need extra inspiration, look back and see that you have done it before and can do it again. And be sure to include in your daily meditations and affirmations these two simple statements:

SUCCESS = NOT GIVING UP.

FAILURE = NOT GETTING BACK UP.

Post these reminders on your mirror, over your toilet, where you need in order to catch yourself in temptation moments with a message of hope and courage.

Finally, remember that you DO know what to do. YOU DO! After a certain point in the recovery process, it all boils down to personal choice. Once you are medically stable, and thus mentally able, ‘I had to’ or ‘I can’t’ or ‘I don’t know’ is not an acceptable response to justify a return to the eating disordered behaviors. You do know. You can. You don’t have to do anything – you CHOOSE to do something, or to not do something. You choose bulimia as a coping tool, or you choose something else as a coping tool. You choose to allow your stress to overcome you, or you choose to overcome your stress. It is not easy, but it is necessary, and it absolutely CAN be done, and by YOU.

You can do this. Just take it one step at a time. If you relapse, get back up again. If you have a tough day, learn from it. Learn where your weak spots are and develop a plan to strengthen yourself in those areas. Take every minor (or even major) lapse as a learning tool, a sign in the road saying you still need work in those areas. And keep reaching out for help – I am very proud of you for doing that!

Warmly,

Shannon

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