QUESTION: HOW OR WHERE CAN I FIND HELP..............I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO......BULIMIA  HAS HIT SO HARD, DESTROYED FAMILY AND MAJOR IMPACT ON KIDS ......A SILENT KILLER......NO ONE SEEMES TO UNDERSTAND.....PLEASE HELP......I HAVE TRiED EVERTHING THAT I KNOW HOW ......IT IS SILENTLY......KILLING ME......I AM CODEPENDENT, AND HAVE LOST EVERYTHING......BUSINESS, HOME KIDS......AND KIDS ARE BEING VERBALY ABUSED AND HIT......BY MOTHER......PLEASE HELP SAVE THE KIDS......MY HEART BLEEDS FOR THEM AND THE PAIN IS SO GREAT......NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE......WHY IS THIS SO DESTRUCTIVE......WHAT CAN BE DONE  TO SAVE MY DAUGHTERS, THAY ARE SO GOOD AND DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS......THANK YOU......

ANSWER: Thank you for writing. Your pain comes through so loud and clear in your letter – and my heart goes out to you and your family. It is also no surprise to learn that you struggle with codependency, as this is a common facet associated with onset of an eating disorder.

First things first – regardless of your own medical and mental health needs, you MUST care for your daughters first. It is way past the time to call Child Protective Services (you must find a state-specific listing that serves your area) and intervene on behalf of your daughters. If I had any idea where you are located, and how to direct CPS to contact you, I would be legally obligated to call them on your daughters’ behalf, and would not hesitate to do so. You MUST ACT NOW. You are right – your daughters do not deserve to take the brunt of what is occurring in the lives of their parents. But they are dependent and vulnerable, and regardless of the damage your bulimia has done, this does not in any way relieve you of the RESPONSIBILITY to PARENT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next, and only after you have contacted CPS in your area for your children, you must get yourself to your family physician for a thorough medical evaluation. Find out what if anything can be done right now to stabilize your health enough to where you buy some time to search for the help you need. Ask your MD to direct you to some resources – possibly nonprofit organizations in your area can help with funding and support.

Then, you need to reach out for help for yourself and your wife – you have done this in your letter to me, but now it is time to reach out for help closer to home. Sadly, there is only a bare minimum that I can do long distance to support you. You need to invite professionals and friends nearby to reach out and hold your hand, and help you and your family through this difficult, painful time.

There are many excellent websites that offer treatment referrals – I know so little about your situation, but many professionals offer reduced rates or sliding scale fee systems to accommodate those who may not have access to health coverage. Try EDReferral.com and type in your city/state for a listing nearby. You can also ask private practice therapists, hospitals and clinics in your area where to go for support – including support groups and programs that may be a good fit for your needs. For other weblinks I highly recommend, visit my website.

It is not easy, but it is definitely possible, to overcome bulimia. I have done it, and I know many, many others who have done it as well. Many have done it with professional treatment teams. Some few others, myself included, have done it the old fashioned way – white knuckling it through the urges and finding creative ways on our own to replace those urges with healthier inclinations. If you truly believed you have tried everything already, you would not have written the letter to me. If you believed you had given it your best shot, you would not still be trying. There is a fighter within you. Harness the power of that fighter first on your daughters’ behalf, and then on your own. You can do it.

With compassion,

Shannon

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