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MentorConnect - Mentor / Mentee Guidelines
Below are some general guidelines for Mentors* and Mentees**, respectively. Please note that these guidelines are merely insights from Shannon's own work as a mentor, and are NOT meant to be comprehensive.
Guidelines for Mentors*:
1. Focus on troubleshooting for daily living and recovery-related issues as they arise
2. Share your personal story only as one example - remember that each person's story is unique
3. Be committed, available, open and honest, patient, kind, and willing to be wrong - above all, remember what it was like for you during your own recovery, and adjust any recommendations and expectations accordingly
4. Remember that the #1 healer is unconditional love. In addition, faithful, consistent, positive feedback is key
5. De-personalize the process - focus on achieving desired results more than on adoption of specific suggestions or ideologies
6. In the presence of triggers, proceed with caution - instead of becoming overly involved in discussions of numbers, weight, etc, pinpoint what those topics may represent and how to address those underlying issues successfully
7. Do not attempt to supercede or replace other treatment options or team members - seek to be a complement to any structure already in place and encourage mentee to build a full support network
8. Remember the mentor-mentee relationship is voluntary and it is the mentee's job to make good use of the opportunity. 9. Avoid any attempt to coerce the mentee into wanting to heal or doing the work. Instead, emphasize the benefits of engaging in recovery as you have experienced them
10. Be willing to halt or end the relationship if at any time it appears to be a detriment to the mentee's progress in recovery
11. Be willing to seek additional support if situation appears life-threatening
12. Use caution when making recommendations outside of any training or expertise you may have. Partner with other treatment professionals or guide mentee to seek additional assistance
13. Allow mentee to set the pace of the mentoring relationship
Guidelines for Mentees**:
1. Be proactive - use the support and experience of your mentor whenever you feel the need
2. Practice the HOW of recovery - be honest, open and willing to explore new ways of responding to life's challenges, try on new ideas for size, and put into practice suggestions before accepting or rejecting their validity
3. Integrate your mentor into any existing support network you already have
4. Trust your gut - mentoring is a unique relationship, and it may take a couple of tries to find the right 'fit' for your needs
5. Under no circumstances should you adopt any suggestion or idea that has a negative impact on your recovery goals, EVEN IF it has worked well for someone else in their recovery!
6. Focus on daily troubleshooting to build skills to use in place of your ED in stressful situations
7. Do not be too concerned if your mentor's personal story varies from your own - focus more on the underlying coping skills that aided your mentor in their recovery process and how you might apply them in your own life as well
8. Do not place the responsibility for your recovery on your mentor or any other treatment team member. Ultimately, it is YOU who will benefit most from your own recovery
9. Set your own pace for your recovery - do not allow anyone to push you into situations or experiences that you feel inadequately prepared for
10. Let love be your guide. If you feel consistent, foundational love and support from your mentor, regardless of any temporary differences of opinion, fears or resistances that may arise, then that is a good indication that the relationship is still productive and worth continuing
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