Encouragement for a Father
Dear Shannon:

Our teenage daughter is battling an eating disorder. We are unsure of how best to proceed. It is getting bad enough to consider counseling, but she (and I as well) are not certain this is worthwhile. Do you do some non-medical counseling along these lines as part of your work? We would be interested in your thoughts on the matter. I appreciate your consideration of this request. And I look forward to hearing back from you.

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I am glad you have contacted me to let me know about your daughter. You didn't mention exactly what your daughter is struggling with - anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating or some other combination thereof. It would be helpful to know that. In reference to your question about counseling - all I can say is, I simply cannot do enough to encourage you to seek professional counseling for both your daughter and for your family starting now. I have yet to see a single case of an eating disorder where counseling was not only beneficial, but 100% necessary to make the kind of sometimes difficult but always necessary changes in order to fully heal. An eating disorder is not a problem with food. It is one of the top 5 leading mental illnesses as reported by our own HPD, and affects at least 1 in every 4 college women. It is not a sign of weakness, but of mis-understood and mis-applied strength and discipline. It really has very little to do with food and centers almost entirely around the issue of control. For this reason, the best strategy is to assemble a team to help your daughter regain right use of food and control over her life - this will include a nutritionist, a medical doctor (who can assess possible physical health risks associated with eating disorders), and a mental/emotional health specialist, which, depending on where your daughter is in her disease, can include a psychiatrist for some short-term medicine to control depression and anxiety and also a licensed counselor who specializes in eating disorders to help her sort through why she has chosen to engage in this behavior. A spiritual counselor, like a trusted pastor, can also be a help at this time.

Victims of eating disorders are typically higher than average intelligence, extremely self-motivated, socially conscious, overachievers who truly want to find and embrace their place in this world. It is a disease of mis-directed potential and is only fueled by messages from today's mass media that happiness hinges upon external factors - appearance and what it supposedly can attract into our lives. Most victims of eating disorders are females between the ages of 12 and 25, and recent statistics show that more than 11 million young men and women are currently suffering from eating disorders. It is a serious problem, and I will also tell you that there is almost always some level of family or peer dynamic involved when one member of a family develops this type of disorder.

It is for this reason that, while I can serve as an encourager and public speaker to share the dangers of eating disorders with families, youth, teachers and health professionals, I do not provide individual counseling. I am happy to talk with your daughter via phone or email, or in whatever way she feels comfortable, and I will offer the same to you and your wife, but just with the understanding that my role is as an encourager - someone who can empower individuals and families to recognize the dangers of eating disorders and seek out the professional help they need. I can share stories from the road, be a supportive friend, pray, and give my testimony - that is what I am here for. And to start with, I can strongly recommend a couple of things to you that you can pursue now:

1. If you haven't already, make sure your daughter gets a thorough physical checkup by a doctor familiar with and sensitive to the impact an eating disorder can have on her health. And make an appointment for her to see a nutritionist so that she can make sure that the disease doesn't further impact her health.

2. Visit the Recommended Reading and Suggested Weblinks sections of my website for additional online resources.

Please keep in touch and let me know how your daughter is doing. Feel free to call me or email me as needed.

blessings & peace,

Shannon