Dear Shannon,

I have just recently found out that my older sister is bulimic. This scares me because she a great influence to me. I want to ask her so many things, such as how did she become this way and how long has this been going on, but I do not want to push her over the edge or make her feel even worse about the situation. So I was hoping you could help me help her with out pushing her or anything. Also I was wondering, since this happened to her, could this happen to me too? Thank you so much for taking time to read this!

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Hi - I'm so glad you wrote to tell me about your sister.

Bulimia, when not a secondary manifestation of anorexia, is most often the psychological response to extreme stress. At an emotional level, you can better understand it as the literal 'throwing up' of emotions and life circumstances the person finds it nearly impossible to cope with. While anorexic from the time I was 11, I became bulimic during my college years. There was so much change, so much uncertainty - I was terrified of not doing well, of not succeeding, of making the wrong choice and paying for it for the rest of my life.

Controlling weight is often the one arena where the person feels they have control over their life. Plus, society promises us (falsely) that thin people are happier, luckier in life and love, and more successful. When patience fails us and life overwhelms us, losing weight looks like an attractive alternative. All this to say that - while it is possible bulimia could happen to you, it is your own mind, your own understanding, that will probably determine that. Most bulimics don't intend to become bulimic. Their minds get distracted enough by the depth of their stress that their thinking gets messed up, and suddenly ideas - like bulimia - that seem insane to a balanced mind begin to look plausible, workable, even admirable. So be extra-vigilant, extra-aware, of how you cope with stress, and stay attentive to how and when and why you eat and make sure that when you put food in your mouth (or choose not to) it is out of physical hunger, and not emotional hunger, or emptiness, stress or pain (all of which can lead to wanting to throw it up later). If you approach food in this way, it is likely that since you are already hyper-aware of the dangers of eating disorders now, you yourself may never fall into the trap of developing one.

And with your sister - the best way to support her is to love her. Encourage her. Remind her how special, how bright and beautiful she is, how much of an inspiration she is to you - this will give her just that much more to live for, just that much more inspiration to fight back against bulimia. Offer to talk with her or listen, but if she does choose to talk to you, just listen - don't try to help her fix her problems or offer suggestions. Only a bulimic or a counselor should stand in those shoes at this point. Remind her of her talents and gifts and skills - help her reconnect to her Key To Life (remember - the Key To Life is that thing she is great at or loves - the thing that the disease has the potential to take away from her.) You could do something like leave an encouraging note on her email or in her room every day just telling her one great thing you love about her. You could just spend time with her - just fun time - not centered around food but just quality time. And maybe if you could find something that you need her help with - school work, shopping, anything to get her mind off of herself and focused on helping someone else - that will help too. I hope these thoughts are helpful to you - it is not that there is anything specific that anyone can 'do' for a bulimic until they decide they want to get better. The fact that your sister told you she is struggling is a very good sign. But don't put any extra pressure on yourself to either help your sister or avoid her predicament yourself. Just be there for her, support her in all the little ways you can find,and love her. She is going to have to walk through this herself, but having a supportive family will make a great difference in how successful she ultimately is with it.

Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

blessings,

Shannon