Dear Mom & Dad:

Right now I am struggling. I am frightened. I do not know what to do. Somehow, something has changed in my life - something has taken over my mind that is hurting my body and my chances of the bright future you have always hoped I would enjoy. That something is called an eating disorder. It is a mental illness - one so increasingly common that statistically it has now been identified as the most deadly of all child and adolescent mental illnesses. And it wants to claim me as its next victim.

I need your help. I need your support. I need you to understand that this is not a game, a lie, a way for me to get more attention, or an expression of inappropriate vanity. This is my life - which in large part still trustingly rests in your older, wiser, more capable hands. Please help me. Please do not yell or get angry with me, or deny the seriousness of my struggles. Please help me to get the medical care and counseling I need, and listen to me when I tell you that I am really in trouble. I am. But you are my parents, and we are a family, and together we can fight this. Alone, I'm not sure how good my chances will be - over 50,000 young people just like me will die from anorexia, bulimia and compulsive overeating this year. But I do not want to be one of them, and if you will stand with me and help me in this, I know I won't be one of them.

With love,

Your child

***

Dear Parents:

I could have written the letter above when I was 11, anorexic, frightened and alone. But back when I became anorexic, and then bulimic, not a lot was known about eating disorders, and so I suffered in agonizing silence for years as I got thinner and thinner, and sicker and sicker. I didn't know what to say or how to ask for help. I didn't know if there was anything wrong with me, or if in fact this was just the way my life was going to be, like it or not. And my parents didn't know either.

Today it is much different. Today, we know that over 10 million young women and 1 million young men currently suffer with eating disorders. We know that tens of thousands of people die each year from eating disorders - and that these increasingly deadly disorders affect people of all ages, all ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds, and both genders…but we also know that young people between the ages of 12 and 25 are still by far the most vulnerable, the most affected, and comprise the age category where the most deaths occur annually. As a survivor of my own 15 year (no, that's not a typo) battle with both anorexia and bulimia, I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is that you respond - quickly - to even a muffled cry for help from a young person under your care and protection. It takes extreme courage for victims of eating disorders to speak out and ask for the help they need. Many die in silence, afraid of 'getting in trouble for being in trouble' from the parents, teachers, and elders in their lives who have the power to help them access the resources they need to heal.

There are so many resources available today to help victims of eating disorders. There is no reason, and no excuse, that a young person with anorexia, bulimia or compulsive overeating shouldn't be offered the chance to receive the considerable help and expertise that is now available from health care professionals who specialize in this field of treatment.

If you are a parent who has a child or young adult whom you suspect has an eating disorder but you aren't sure, don't wait. Schedule an appointment with a medical doctor for a health screening and evaluation. Have your child take one of the many available on-line free screenings (for instance - the Something Fishy Eating Disorders Screen at http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/questionnaire.php) that are designed for early detection of eating disordered behavior, and bring the results of the screening with you to the appointment. If the results indicate that an eating disorder may be present, be prepared to seek help from the doctor, a nutritionist, an eating disorder counseling specialist (out- or in-patient services are available) and possibly a psychiatrist as well for short-term mood-stabilization medication.

If you are a parent who has a child who has expressed to you that they are struggling with an eating disorder, and you are actively involved in helping your child recover, BRAVO!!! We need more parents like you out there! If you, however, are one of the parents who has not yet accepted that your child needs your help - now - ask yourself this one simple question. Are you prepared to watch your beloved child or young adult die to preserve your denial? Statistically speaking, it is more than possible that death can and will happen. Statistically speaking, the longer a young person goes without treatment for an eating disorder, the less successful future treatment will be, and the greater the likelihood that they will die - if not from the eating disorder itself, then from one of a myriad of complications (such as heart or respiratory failure) that stem from prolonged malnutrition, laxative and diuretic usage, and damaging exercise and vomiting behavior.

And please understand this - thankfully, we no longer live in a society that looks down on us as individuals or families when we are in trouble and need to ask for help. In fact, if anything, the current trend is towards proactively seeking out help - even seeking out preventative assistance to forestall the development of damaging behaviors and health conditions later on in life. We are getting smarter and smarter individually and as a society about recognizing the value of medicine and the counseling profession to make a positive impact on our lives and the lives of those we love. One of the pivotal moments for me and my family in my healing process was in recognizing that everyone needs help at some point in their lives. Absolutely every single person, and every single family, struggles with something, and it is rarer these days to find someone who hasn't sought professional help than someone who has - and that's a GOOD thing. If you as a parent have a child or young adult with an eating disorder, understand - it is NOT your fault. In truth, it is not anyone's fault! The only fault that may lie up ahead is in not reaching out a helping hand if you have one to stretch out and choose for whatever reason not to. While often eating disorders do have a family dynamic, and statistics prove that when families of an eating disordered individual seek family as well as individual counseling the victim's recovery process is enhanced, fundamentally it is up to your child to make the decision to heal. Your role as a parent is to do absolutely everything in your power - which often is considerable - to make available to them the resources, information, support and love that they will need to, as I did, successfully battle this pernicious and deadly disease.

In closing, just know that you as a parent are right now perfectly placed to make THE difference between life and death for your child by giving them one simple thing - your attention. Listen when they tell you there is something wrong. Listen even when they don't say a word. Listen with your eyes, your ears, your mind and your heart - an eating disorder is the equivalent of any other damaging addiction (s/a drug or alcohol abuse) and just as addictive, and its affect on your child's life will be the same in time. Do not expect your child to 'correct the error of his/her ways' in a mature, adult fashion. Eating disorders are MENTAL illnesses. And your child, once afflicted, is even more vulnerable to disordered thinking by a mind that is not yet ready to and cannot be expected to have fully reached maturity this early in life.

I am here to help. Key To Life: Unlocking the Door to Hope is all about second chances at life - and sometimes even first chances for young people who have barely reached puberty only to find an eating disorder knocking at their door, determined to prevent them from ever having any chance at all for a healthy future. I do not want even one more young person to be like I was - scared, voiceless and alone. With your compassionate help and support, they don't have to be.

There are so many people who have dedicated their lives to lessening, and hopefully in time eradicating, the ravages of eating disorders in our society. Please, please, join me in being one of them. And if your child needs help, like I once did, be thankful that we now live in a time where extensive help is available, and by all means, USE IT.

Warmly and with HOPE ,

Shannon