The following offers suggestions for how to approach someone with a suspected eating disorder.

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1. Talk to the person when you are calm, not frustrated or emotional. Be kind. The person is probably ashamed and fears criticism and rejection.

2. Mention evidence you have heard or seen that suggests disordered eating. Don't dwell on appearance or weight. Instead talk about health, relationships (withdrawal?), and mood.

3. Realize that the person will not change until s/he wants to. If the situation appears life threatening, ALWAYS INTERVENE!

4. Provide information - do your homework before initiating a conversation.

5. Be support and caring. Be a good listener and don't give advice unless you are asked to do so. Even then, be prepared to have it ignored.

6. Continue to suggest professional help. Don't pester. Don't give up either.

7. Ask: "Is doing what you are doing really working to get you what you want?"

8. Talk about the advantages of recovery and a normal life.

9. Agree that recovery is hard, but emphasize that many people have done it.

10. If s/he is frightened to see a counselor, offer to go with her the first time.

11. Realize that recovery is the person's responsibility, not yours.

12. Resist guilt. Do the best you can and then be gentle with yourself .

13. Never nag, plead, beg, bribe, threaten, or manipulate. These things don't work.

14. Avoid power struggles. You will lose.

15. Never criticize or shame. These tactics are cruel, and the person will withdraw.

16. Don't pry. Respect privacy.

17. Don't be a food monitor. You will create resentment and distance in the relationship.

18. Don't try to control. The person will withdraw and ultimately outwit you.

19. Don't waste time trying to reassure your friend that s/he is not fat. S/he will not be convinced

20. Don't get involved in endless conversations about weight, food, and calories. They make matters worse.

21. Don't give advice unless asked.

22. Don't expect the person to follow your advice even if s/he asked for it.

23. Don't say, "You are too thin." S/he will secretly celebrate.

24. Don't let the person always decide when, what and where you will eat. S/he should not control everything, every time.

25. Don't ignore stolen food and evidence of purging. Insist on responsibility.